My partner Clara was pregnant and due to give birth on 8th February 2021, however, on 17th December 2020 I had returned home from work and an hour later Clara started having contractions. I wasted no time and I got her in the van and drove her to Medway Maritime Hospital Kent, we arrived not a moment too soon because I was told ( go in room 8 YOUR HAVING A BABY right now!). I went into shock, but I composed myself so I could support Clara. I was at Clara's bedside and watched the entire birth process thanks to Borris Johnson's legislation on allowing dads to be at the birth during covid 19 !

Baby Molly was born at 1:36 am on the 18th Dec 2020 weighting just 4lb 13oz via natural birth. Molly had to stay in icu for 16 days, which felt like a lifetime as we just wanted our daughter home. However her stay in icu was essential for her and she reached her mile stones quickly and was able to come home with us for the first time on 4th January 2021. Her stay in the icu for that period of time, while essential for molly, was difficult for us as parents as whilst being allowed unlimited access to her in icu, we where not able to bond with her naturally in our home environment in those crucial first few days/ weeks. We did not feel a bond with her, nore did we feel the love we expected to feel. I was concerned about my state of mind and Clara's also, and felt angry that we felt so numb, as we had decided to have a child to love and take care of, and since I was actually in foster care on a section 31 care order for my entire childhood, these feelings of numbness really really concerned me as I was scared stiff that I'd become like my parents and reject my own daughter! This however was completely normal because we where unable to take her home immediately, therefore was unable to establish the parental bond we longed for.

This, however, was quickly established once Molly was home safe with us and now all is well. The entire thing was a rollercoaster of emotions and emotions that took us by surprise too. Now 8 weeks later, baby Molly is doing very well and we both love her with all our hearts, She is suffering with Colic which is very common regardless of being premature or not! Colic is trapped wind and is very uncomfortable for the baby and will make the baby scream and scream relentlessly and it is very stressful for baby and parents, but there are medicines you can give baby before meals that will ease there discomfort and give the parents a night's well needed sleep! Other than the very common Colic issue, which we are treating with support from the gp, Molly is doing fantastically and we couldn't be more happy.

Hope some of the things I have said will help others who may be struggling with there thoughts, the entire thing is a mine field of perfectly normal emotions that don't feel normal at the time. I also found that watching the physical birth process happen bought me and my partner closer together 😀

Ben King kingben39@gmail.com No Yes