I got pregnant with my 4th child (from a 1 night stand) by the time I got my head around having another baby, being single again, doing it all on my own, when I already had 3 other children age 9,5,4, I was absolutely terrified. But I decided to go through with it as I'm a true believer in everything happens for a reason. From just before I was 20 weeks pregnant I started bleeding, so i went to the doctors and they took some swabs and sent me to the hospital. Baby was fine strong heartbeat etc all my swab results came back normal, then I found out I was having a girl at my 20 week scan and then from then I was in and out of hospital as I kept bleeding and they didn't know why.

I remember at 1 point they told me that I may have a miscarriage and if I went into labour before 24 weeks they wouldn't be able to do anything. I was absolutely terrified and it was awful leaving my other kids. I was in hospital, even on bed rest, I kept bleeding on and off. All I remember was I kept thinking I just needed to get to 24 weeks so my baby has got a chance to survive. Anyway 2 days before I went into labour, I remember feeling like my bump dropped (I was walking to school to get my daughter) and then when we got home I was bleeding again, but this time it felt different. There was a lot of blood, so I rang the hospital and I went in again. They did swabs, babys heartbeat was strong then the doctor told me I had to have the steroid injections to help babys lungs incase I had her early. The next day, Saturday the 7th of July 2018, all I remember was watching England football match and sleeping on and off. I had stopped bleeding, so i was hoping I could go home on the Sunday as I missed my other kids so much.

Sunday 8th of July I remember at tea time my back was hurting so much, so I just tried to sleep through the pain and I started bleeding again and the doctor told me I had lost quiet a lot of blood now as I was 24 weeks 1 day and been bleeding on and off for 5 weeks and that if I lost any more they were going to transfer me to another hospital and may have to have a c section. All I kept thinking all night was no this can't be happening, baby can't come yet she isn't ready to small etc and all I wanna do is keep her safe and go home and be with my other kids.

Then I remember waking up bout 5 am the next day 9th of July 2018 in pain again, so I called for the midwife she gave me some paracetamol and then the doctor came at 6 am and examined me and I was 4 cm dilated. They rushed me into labour ward and I was so scared, but I remember thinking I'm dreaming this it ain't happening this isn't real I must be asleep I'm going to wake up soon. Then my sister arrived after the midwife rang her at 6:50, all I remember is she looked so scared and like she had been crying for a while and all different doctors kept coming in and telling me what they were going to do etc. It still wasn't sinking in and a lady came in with the smallest baby that I have ever seen in my life (and it was still to big for her) and a midwife telling me that she would be put in bubble wrap to keep warm, then my tiny little beautiful miracle was born at 7:10am. I didn't see her properly. All I remember is all the doctors around her pumping her full of oxygen and then they took her away. I didn't see her for 4 hours and then she was transferred to Hull NICU and I couldn't even go with her. My brother took me once the hospital discharged me. I remember being in the car and it felt like it took forever to get to Hull. We had to keep stopping because I needed a wee and kept feeling sick (think it was shock and nerves). When we got to Hull and I walked into that room and I saw this tiny little human, so small laid in an incubator with wires coming out of her and she was on a ventilator 1Ib 4oz, I just cried and walked out that wasn't my baby. I couldn't stay here on my own. 

My other 3 babys didn't understand and were 3 hours away, but I did it. It was so hard, every day was different, it was 1 step forward 3 steps back all the time. I missed my other kids so much and when I was back home I missed Violet, when I was with her I missed my other kids. It was so hard but I look back now and it was a amazing journey to see her so small to now and I can't thank the doctors nurses and my sister for being there for us both. I have never or even thought I would go through anything like that in my life. It changes you as a person know one understands unless they have been there themselves. After 104 days in hospital I got to take my beautiful little miracle home on oxygen and that was so hard, and all she did was cry. I was sure she hated me at 1 point and it took me a long time to bond with her, but now I look back and I wouldn't change a thing. My little miracle Violet she is meant to he here. I truly believe things happen for a reason, but I never believed in miracles untill I was blessed with mine ❤️xxx❤️

Terri Simpson Terrilouisesimpson34@outlook.com Yes Yes