In 2018 I first fell pregnant, however we found out at our first scan that our baby’s heart had stopped between 8-9 weeks of pregnancy and a missed miscarriage was the diagnosis. Fast forward to June 2020 and we couldn’t believe we were having another baby. We were so nervous the same thing would happen, but this time our baby’s heart was so strong and everything seemed perfect. At 16 weeks 3 days I began bleeding, had a sore back and extreme tiredness too during that week. By the Sunday I was fully dilated. I was admitted into hospital and told I had an incompetent cervix & may deliver overnight, thankfully I didn’t and they were able to give me an emergency cervical stitch. Each scan there after the amniotic fluid was always low, Belle was very low and didn’t seem to change position very much. They were worried about her limbs being distorted due to low fluids and her possibly being stuck in the same position for weeks. They thought she only had one kidney at one point, luckily it was confirmed she had two.

At an appointment at 22+4 I was admitted for bulging membranes, I was given steroid injections and a magnesium drip and at 23+2 I gave birth to my little girl. They didn’t expect her to weigh 1 on, they estimated she would be less than this. They scanned me before removing the stitches so I could deliver my daughter & found there was no amniotic fluid left at all. The doctor delivering Belle told me that they didn’t know if she would make it through the birth and if she struggled they couldn’t offer a c-section as she was just too small. The cord prolapsed and Belle needed to be born quickly. Thankfully she was. My husband’s face turned white when he saw just how small she was. We both cried as the NICU team worked on her. They told us she was stable but it seemed her heart and lungs were worse than they expected.

Belle did so well and they always joked how fiesty she was, pushing their hands away, covering her eye from the light even though they were still fused shut. She hated when they touched her, her levels indicated this & when my husband and I touched her all of her levels improved. This was such a special experience. It was like she just knew it was us. At 7 days old Belle began to swell and they told us she had sepsis and it was critical. They said she had been so strong throughout and hopefully she would again. We stayed with her and cried, prayed and told her how much we loved her. They told us they had tried everything they could and she was just too poorly. This was the worst time of our lives. We told Belle we were proud of her and loved her so much & if she needed to go it was ok. We also asked her for a sign. We put her back into her incubator and her heart began slowly dropping. We knew this was it. My husband carried our beautiful girl to the family room where our parents could meet their grandchild for the first time. Belle waited until my mum held her before she took her last breath. We miss her so much and think of her every minute of every day. We long for that day we will get to hold both of our babies again and never have to let go.

Jennifer Smith jsmyth894@hotmail.co.uk No Yes