At 22 weeks I started to feel some different pains, my mum said they could be braxton hicks and to put my feet up and rest .. which I did until 23weeks and 5 days to which i made my way to A&E. They took me to the maternity unit, which confirmed I was in active labour. I was 19 and also very scared. Never did I think anything like this would happen. I wasn't ever told about extreme premature births. The consultant and his team came in my room and told me to brace myself for the worst, as at 24wks, I was told she's coming today and we can't stop it happening. My waters broke and they were bright green and smelt like sewage, I had a major infection and so did she. At 10.29pm on the 3rd of December 2008 my little 1lb9oz little miracle was born. I didn't even see her, her cry was so quiet, the NICU team whisked her away. I didnt see her until the 4th December, the following day.

When I did get to see her I never thought the 1st time of seeing my little girl would be so hard. I couldn't touch her, her skin so see through, she was as red as a berry. When asked what her name is, so the nurse in nice could put it on her file, I took one look and said Logan Leonie. Other than not tolerant of any milk and not being able to get past 1ml of milk, she was doing well. I got to hold her for the 1st time on Christmas day at 22 days old, all over her were wires and tubes that where bigger and weighed more than Logan, but I didn't care. I held my little girl and thats all I needed.

Logan became tolerant of a milk, called neocate, she was growing she came off the vent and went to scbu. Her 1st day in scbu she looked pale, she was projectile vomiting and had explosive diahorra. When I called for the nurse she pulled the red emergency buzzer a team came in took my little girl and put her on a crash bed. I didn't know what was happening, once stable she was taken back to nicu and needed cpap put back in the incubator.. I was devastated. I sat with her all day till 9pm at night, I needed to eat and most of all definitely needed a shower. Whilst at home I got a phone call to go straight back, the consultant said they are suspecting meningitis my heart sunk I didnt understand how did she get this? Why wasn't I poorly?

When I got back to the hospital I had to consent to a lumber punch for her, all that was explained was she had to have needle in her spine. I walked in on them bending my little girl in half, Logan was on the vent trying to cry but no sound was coming out. I broke down not being able to help her. Later that night it was confirmed Logan had streptococcal meningitis. We were told to get ready to say goodbye . She was in a room on her own, her nappy couldn't be changed properly because her heart would slow right down, so the nappy was placed under her not done up. She looked as flat as a pancake. 2 days of people giving you the look of sympathy I just wanted scream at everyone. I was so angry at the world . On the 2nd evening we were told it wasn't looking good as she had now had a bleed on her brain. For 2 weeks I watched my little girl fight so hard to be told she isn't strong enough they don't think she will make the night. But my little girl did, she made the next night and the next night, every night till she came home at 6 months old weighing 4lb.

My little girl is 13 this year. Logan has cerebral palsy, autism, ADD, a chronic bowel condition and non eplieptic vacancies. Logan attends special needs senior school where she has grown into such a loving caring girl ... shes my little Logan berry. 

Cassie Walsh Cassie1989walsh@gmail.com Yes Yes